Daring to Emerge

Photo: CA Hawthorne

Photo: CA Hawthorne

I can’t begin to express how much I’m delighting in autumn this year. The colors around the city and on the hillsides are brilliant. Each trip down the walking path is a new experience and now the leaves are gathering on the ground causing further changes upon the landscape.

Photo: CA Hawthorne

Photo: CA Hawthorne

There was a return to Glacier National Park recently where I enjoyed the beauty there with more colors added, the morning temperature cold enough to numb my hands and leave me longing for the approaching sun. The clouds hung low before retreating to the heavens, some clinging to the mountain tops.

Though I glimpsed two bears, I was too slow both times with my camera. I did spy a mountain goat and was nearly too excited to hold my camera steady, its zoom at the maximum. There were few people at Glacier so the opportunity to dawdle at the various cascades and falls was great.

Photo: CA Hawthorne

Mountain goat grazing.
Photo: CA Hawthorne

Still, here in the city our days remain relatively mild. Some days I’m able to wear shorts while walking and there are even flowers blooming here and there. I understand that winter approaches, but I’m embracing this true autumn I’ve so long had only in my dreams.

Autumn is about dramatic change.

Change has come to the landscape and change has come to me. I caused it, of course, but not intentionally. Never did it occur to me that I’d move to this beautiful region and find my life altered.

Photo: CA Hawthorne

Photo: CA Hawthorne

Sure, it was in my mind that western Montana would better fit me, that I’d find the region more comfortable. That much was true, but I didn’t see its influence on me coming, especially so quickly.

I’ve embraced the great outdoors that slipped out of my life decades ago while shedding stale ideas embraced when the place I called home was a distant location in my past. It’s all a bit disconcerting, even scary, yet I welcome the changes and am grateful for the uncertainty that represents growth.

Photo: CA Hawthorne

Photo: CA Hawthorne

Over the last two weeks I’ve investigated local organizations and groups to measure my interest in attending…not the easiest task when wrestling the anxiety groups invariably instill, anxiety that’s all the greater when I’ve been isolated so long. If I can fly I can do this. Next month, for the first time, I’ll participate in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month).

And all this is just the beginning.

I’ve been isolated too long and need to get out more. Too, I’ve talents and skills that could aid others. Given my health condition it’s necessary for me to advance with caution, but I can do more and will do more. Isolation is an effective way to strangle creativity and I’ve no desire to do that to myself.

Photo: CA Hawthorne

Photo: CA Hawthorne

My participation in NaNoWriMo is about shaking-up my writing. I intend to tackle a story that’s entirely new rather then an old story I’ve clung to for years. Too, I want to jump into a genre I don’t normally explore and tackle issues I’d otherwise not touch. Time to shake the writing tree and see which leaves fall.

More ideas, writing and otherwise, are forming in my mind. This must be what a rebirth of the spirit feels like, or so I hope.

Photo: CA Hawthorne

Photo: CA Hawthorne

I’ll not fall victim to withering, for I’ve dwelt in that place before and it holds no appeal for me these days. Somewhere there’s something I can contribute and I mean to do exactly that.

So, I’ll embrace the air’s chill, relish the sun backlighting the golden leaves, and see what I can accomplish.

3 Replies to “Daring to Emerge”

  1. Pingback: Daring to Emerge | Christina Anne Hawthorne

  2. Wow Christina those images are so beautiful. I am so excited for you to be doing NaNo this year I know you will rock it. Changes are coming I can feel it in your writing. How could you not be inspired by your surroundings. I hope you find some quality people to hang out with and your anxiety leaves you in peace. I know my anxiety can show up any old time but if I get busy mine eventually goes and this is different for everybody. Happy Autumn to you my friend. I wish we could meet for a cup of tea and a chat.

    • With you sharing such inspiring words, Kath, I can easily imagine that cup of tea, all the more so beneath the warm sun backlighting our changing leaves. I’m not sure where all this is going, but that’s okay. The journey is important and what I learn along the way will point me in the direction I need to go. It’s so easy to shrink into our shells, yet I always flourish when forced to experience the outside world—once I exert control over my anxiety. thank you so much for your encouragement. I’ll keep everyone posted.

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